I would so tell this in the voice of the moon from the mighty boosh, but it doesn't work over the internet
One time, there was a busy day, at heaven. Loads of dead souls going to the pearly gates to see if they could get in.
Now, God, the gossip that he is, decided that in order to sort the situation out, he would get St. Peter to only allow in souls that have had interesting deaths.
OK.
So, A soul of a man goes up to St. Peter, and says, 'Hey, can I come into heaven?'
St. Peter says, 'Well, we're having a busy day, as you can see, so God says we can only let in people who have had interesting deaths.'
'Hah!' Says the bloke. 'Well, I've got a story to tell you! Picture this:...
I was driving home in my car after work, I was going a bit quick as I knew my wife was cheating on me, the bitch, and I knew she was doing it right then, and I wanted to catch the little bastard. I rush home - I live in a block of flats, I live on the 8th floor, and it's a 9 storey block of flats.
Anyway, I burst into the room, and there you have it, my wife, naked in bed. I'm shouting my head off, WHERE IS HE, WHERE IS HE, I was shouting. I searched everywhere I could think of. I looked under the bed, I looked in the wardrobe, I looked in the shower, I looked in the kitchen, and then it hits me, the fucker's hiding on the balcony!
Quick as a flash, I open the balcony doors, and lo and behold, there's a set of fingers on the edge of the balcony. I go over to the fuck, and stamp on his hands so he has to let go. I've got to say, it's an impressive fall. Anyway, I watch as he shoots towards the floor, but, the lucky fuck, he lands in a big bush, and he survives! Anyway, I wasn't going to stand for that, so I rushed back inside, and picked up the first thing I could get my hands on, which was the fridge, and I chuck it over the balcony, and it hits the bloke square on the head, and kills him. GOT YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKER! I yell at him, and then THUD, out of all the excitement of lifting the fridge, I have a heart attack and die.'
'Well, fuck me sideways, that's one I've never heard before!' Says St. Peter. 'In you go, mate.'
In he goes.
A moment later, another dead man goes up to St. Peter.
'Hey, I hear it's an interesting deaths only policy today?'
'Yeah, that's right.'
'Well, you'll not believe this, but here goes anyway:
I was on my balcony working out. I've got the penthouse flat, right at the top, 9 floors of flats. Anyway, here's me doing some handstand press-ups, when a huge gust of wind sweeps me right off the balcony!
I thought I was fucked, but luckily I grabbed hold of the balcony below. I was there for quite a while, and again I thought I was a goner, but I heard some voices, and I prayed someone would come and help, and the doors opened, and a man came out! I thought I was saved, but he starts jumping on my hands and I let go, falling fast, for the third time, sure I was going to die. Anyway, I thought the big man upstairs must like me, as I landed in the big bush at the bottom of the block of flats, and I survived! I was thanking the lord, when I looked up, and a fridge hits me on the head.'
'Ohhhhh, yeah..' Says St. Peter 'Well, hell of a story, that, in you go mate.'
In he goes.
St. Peter turns to the next guy in line, and calls him up.
'Interesting deaths only, mate, sorry.'
The man laughs.
'Hah, go on then, what's your story?'
'Well, picture this: I'm in a fridge!'
Subject: Joke thread ;) 
Wed Sep 24, 2008 1:19 am
